Getting rid of the boxes seemed like a daunting task. However, since I'm generally an all-or-nothing kind of person at least when it comes to organizing, I naturally believed that the other even larger boxes and bins encircling my room, from my pre-UW years, had to be seriously re-evaluated as well. I set about tackling everything, haphazardly moving back and forth between emptying the new boxes and organizing the old containers, one filled with Whitman memorabilia, the ones under my bed containing treasures from my childhood I had clung on to and then hidden away in high school.
When I organize, I organize, and I love it. Yet my afternoon was bittersweet. I promised myself I would throw away anything and everything that had ceased to be truly meaningful, but as bag after bag of garbage filled with school newspapers, event fliers, sermon notes, and the like, so too did my heart overflow over and over again as I carefully placed each important item I decided to keep into its respective small box. It's amazing how memories - startlingly sharp, often carrying smells, static snapshots, sounds - can surge up out of the wilderness falsely known as "forgotten," not actually lost but merely waiting to released, relishing the surprise and emotions they can so easily evoke. A few movie ticket stubs; a heartwarming letter of affection, still in its envelope; messages and pictures scrawled on a napkin; loving notes of encouragement from hard times, from holidays, and sometimes just because... all of these and many more I stacked into the boxes I will save. I want to detail all of them here, to describe the memories (many hilarious, some heart-wrenching but just as important) attached to each, to thank personally in this blog post the many amazing Nohitas, INN-goers and leaders, Whitman Kappas and sectionmates, high school friends, neighborhood gals, and besties in general, for how important they have been in my life, each of whom I missed sorely one by one as I opened the boxes of my past. I have always been one for reminiscing, for shoutouts and inside jokes. Yet I know that this task would be almost as impossible as finally making my room presentable once again, and definitely less personable being on the internet, so I promise myself I will let them all - you all - know somehow, sometime soon, how much they - you - have meant in my life. And, hopefully, will continue to be. Today, wading through my room, warmed by the rare sun sparkling the dust that seemed never to settle, listening off and on to Pandora's "Lollipop" station (the Chordettes, not the Lil Wayne version), I realized again for the first time in a while how truly blessed my life has been.
To conclude, as I went through the last of a stack of documents I had constantly been adding to over the past two years, I discovered a single sheet of paper that I think all the student leaders received at a retreat Sophomore or Junior year. The top of the paper reads, "Who God Is," and the rest is filled with words and corresponding verses. "Abba, Advocate, Almighty, Alpha, Ancient of Days"... the list was long. I glanced at the back - and noticed my handwriting. I had taken chosen words from the list, and, during a time of reflection, had written what each meant in my own life. The notes I made really encouraged me today, as I sat in my sweats in the midst of half-empty boxes, stacks of papers, and piles of clothes, worrying about my future and finally beginning to comprehend that a huge irrevocable change was happening in my own and in my friends' lives. This is what I wrote:
"God is an apostle, therefore he teaches me.
God is the author of life, therefore my life is written and known.
God is the bread of life, therefore I am fed.
God is the bright morning star, therefore I am led.
God is the carpenter, therefore I am lovingly crafted.
God is the chief shepherd, therefore I am watched and guided with care.
God is the cornerstone, therefore my life has a firm foundation.
God is the beginning and end, therefore I have nothing to fear."
Apparently, God also knows how to speak to us right when we need it. :)
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